Alors moi, ce qui m’hooooorrripile, c’est que, sous pretexte que vous etes novice,TOUT LE MONDE VOUS DONNE DES CONSEILS.

Et quand je dis TOUT LE MONDE, je me refere au monde entier. Y compris mon beau-pere (qui a tenu dans ses bras 3 bebes au cours de sa vie, les siens, le jour de leurs naissances respectives, c’est a dire il y a 37, 36 et 30 ans. Oui.)
Et c’est tres dur.
Si encore, tout le monde etait d’accord…..! Mais non. En general, la scene classique c’est plutot:

ACTE 1 : Prunelle se met a hurler comme un goret. Un cri tres persistant, dans les aigus, tout a fait insupportable…

Mr J’y Connais Rien mais je donne mon avis (On gardera JCR): Mais elle a faim cette petite, il faut lui preparer son biberon… ! Ah, Ah ! Qu’est ce qu’il t’arrive Prunelle: ils ne te nourrissent pas tes parents ?
Mme J’ai Raison (JR): Nooon…. Elle a sommeil… Le mieux, c’est de la laisser pleurer…. Vous allez mal l’habituer cette petite a toujours la porter. Allez Prunelle, au lit. Ca suffit maintenant.
Mme Quand Meme (QM): Quand meme, elle aurait pas la couche sale ? Hein Prunelle, tu as fait caca ? Elle a fait caca la petite Prunelle ? Ou il est le caca de Prunelle ???

La, vous aussi vous commencez a avoir envie de pleurer…

ACTE 2: Prunelle, a bout de forces, finit par se taire. Elle est de la meme couleur qu’Aspirine, mon poisson rouge (rouge, hein, pas blanche ! « Aspirine » c’etait pour deconner !).

JCR: Ah ! Et be Prunelle, t’as plus faim ? Comment ca se fait que tu as pu faim ? (normalement, il commence a aller tripoter le landau…. pour bien verifier qu’elle a plus faim bien sur). C’est fou ca, elle avait faim, et d’un coup ca lui passe. Enfin, on lui aurait donne le bibi, elle l’aurait pris, ca c’est sur, on voyait bien qu’elle avait faim cette petite.
JR: Vous voyez: il faut les laisser pleurer les gosses, sinon vous ne vous en sortirez pas. Moi de mon temps, on les laissait pleurer, et personne n’en est mort. Enfin, vous faites comme vous voulez, mais si vous voulez l’eduquer correctement….
QM: Quand meme, on devrait peut-etre lui changer la couche, pour qu’elle dorme avec une couche propre. Sinon elle va avoir les fesses irritees.

Bon, a ce stade-la, ce qui est le plus irrite, c’est moi…. On continue:

ACTE 3: Prunelle, qui en fait se taisait parce qu’elle reprenait son souffle, se remet a hurler de plus belle….

JR: Et voila… Vous la reprenez dans les bras…. Ah ca, elle a bien compris le truc…. Vous allez rien en faire de cette petite.
QM: Quand meme, vous etes sur qu’elle a pas de la fievre ? Parce que pleurer comme ca…..

Bref, vous finissez par craquer: soit vous etes chez vous et vous mettez tout le monde dehors ; soit vous n’etes pas chez vous et vous pliez bagages.Et normalement, a ce moment la, il y a la bonne ame qui arrive, toute preoccupee, et qui vous demande: « Mais qu’est ce qu’elle a ??? »

J’EN SAIS RIEN MOI, COMMENT VOULEZ-VOUS QUE JE SACHE CE QU’ELLE A !! C’EST UN BEBE, ELLE NE PARLE PAS ENCORE !! SI JE SAVAIS CE QU’ELLE A ELLE NE HURLERAIT PAS COMME CA !!! Tant pis. Vous avez craque. Vous pouvez toujours dire que c’est les hormones…….. ?



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